10 Warning Signs of a Receding Hairline

Male pattern baldness can be pretty sneaky. It takes time, and some tell-tale signs, for it to rear its ugly head – and yours. You may not like what you see, but at least you’ve got some advance warning that your shedding season has begun. For those of you who aren’t sure of the start time for the 100 millimeter balderdash, here are ten warning signs of a receding hairline:

  1. Your shower drain looks like it’s clogged … with a small mammal. Generally speaking, it’s not a good sign when your shower is draining slowly. It’s particularly bad news when the cause is your fallen hair.
  2. Your hairbrush seems to be in need of a comb. Unless you’re a German Shepherd, you really don’t want to see those follicles come out with each brushing. Time to start up a collection for a custom hairpiece.
  3. Your forehead looks more like a five-and-a-half head. No, that’s not your scalp advancing, sport. Your hairline has begun migrating south – when you’re facing north.
  4. You can dress as a vampire for Halloween … with no make-up. We’re not saying that your hair is falling out, necessarily; let’s just say that what hairs you’ve got left you could probably count, Dracula.
  5. Dial “M” for Murder – Sesame Street just called. Today’s show is being brought to us by the letter M, and they want your hairline to host it.
  6. You need to tilt your head forward in order to see your hairline. You, my friend, are approaching the finish line of the 100 millimeter balderdash. At this point you don’t need a barber so much as you need a landscaper.
  7. Local merchants offer to buy ad space on your forehead. Yep, at this point you can legally change your name to Bill Board and set up shop on the interstate, amigo.
  8. Cars pull into your driveway when you stand outside. Because they’ve mistaken your forehead for a drive-in movie screen. Lucky you, all sorts of career opportunities are suddenly popping up, along with your scalp.
  9. From above, your head looks like a satellite photo of India. And we’ll give you one guess what the Arabian Sea and the Bay of Bengal are made of. Hint: The tide is coming in, permanently.
  10. When it looks like Moses parted your hair, that’s a fairly good indication that your hairline is receding and the balding process is in full swing. Now you need to decide whether to embrace the onset of baldness, seek out an effective hair restoration plan, or wander aimlessly in the wilderness for 40 years.

There are no universally right or wrong answers as to how to deal with a receding hairline. Some men strive to cling to every strand and hold the line – literally; others take a philosophical approach and surrender to what they see as an inevitable reality and a new look. Both options are equally viable, in our opinion. It’s that in-between state that really makes our hair stand on end.

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