A Dozen Real Reasons I Sent These Roses

Greetings sweetheart please let me provide you with something that is beautiful and represents my love for you.  Of course, this thing of beauty will quickly fade into a droopy flower on it’s way to completely falling apart and eventually ending up in the garbage.  Yet I’m happy to spend the money on it to provide you with a token of my love for you, which surely will last far longer than this fleeting flower.  So in reality this display of love actually is not very representative at all of my love for you and more likely represents my hope that you will forget something that I recently did and let that die much more like the impending fate of these wonderful roses I present to you more for atonement than as an actual representation of our love.  In case it is not clear to you, here are a dozen things I might have done recently to result in me sending you these beautiful roses:

  1. I commented on your weight (and not that you are too skinny which is allowed per our agreement).  I’m really not sure what I was thinking I normally know better than that but for some reason my usual filtering mechanism failed and the thought went straight to my mouth and bypassed the whole thought process.
  2. I criticized a recent purchase you made.  I actually KNOW that you needed another pair of shoes and obviously a matching purse.  I mean everyone knows those have to be replaced every season at a minimum.
  3. I made disparaging comments about your cooking.  You would think that after the last time I did this and you made me cook my own meals for a week I would have learned my lesson.  Guess not.
  4. I did not put the toilet seat down, again.  I have to say that this clearly is an unnatural act as no man is able to quite get this mastered.  I do apologize though deeply for the late night toilet incident when you were half asleep and got the bidet-like treatment.
  5. I inadvertently taught our child some choice four-letter words.  I mean c’mon that car was way out of line everyone knows that you can turn right on red for cryin’ outloud.  Something had to be said.
  6. I made the mistake of thinking I was right.  This is something I know always irks you.  I mean of course I was wrong, I am always wrong.  You are right I need to load the dishwasher with the dishes facing in.  Duh!
  7. I forgot yet another appointment at the school.  Okay, remind me again is there some reason that EVERY school appointment has to be during the day?  Is the school aware that some of us work?
  8. I did not take out the garbage.  I thought I took the garbage out and that the smell was eminating from the nearby “powder” room and the visit I made to it a little earlier.  I had no idea it was the chicken and cantaloupe sitting in the trash can.
  9. I squeezed the toothpaste from the middle.  It just feels so right to squeeze from the middle I know you trained me to go from the bottom up but the middle is so much fatter and of course it takes less time for the toothpaste to venture onto my toothbrush.
  10. I flipped my underwear off again and missed the clothes hamper.  Now you have to admit that normally I make this shot and I also normally do not have that bad of a skid mark to deal with.  Once again, really sorry about that.
  11. Indeed I did purchase another toy for myself.  I was passing by and that motorcycle was simply calling my name, I mean do you realize how special that is and unlikely to ever happen again?
  12. I am not really sure what I did but you seemed mad at me today so I just wanted to try and nip this in the bud.

As you can see I clearly am asking for forgiveness after recognizing the serious errors that I have made.  The best way I can think of doing this is to give you this temporary beautiful thing to try and distract you from the fact that I am a completely insensitive, mud-slinging pig.

Post to Twitter Tweet This Post to Yahoo Buzz Buzz This Post to Facebook Facebook Post to StumbleUpon Stumble This

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.