10 Failed Attempts To Get My Wife to Make Love

So everybody has their own challenges and we each approach them our own ways.  I want to emphasize that what I am writing about today is a very serious subject that really impacts me and as far as I can tell, several husbands on a daily basis.  When we first got married, my wife and I were inseparable and had a great and active sex life.  We didn’t make love every day but a week never went by without some action in the bedroom.  However, that changed after about 15 years, 3 children, and 2 fulltime jobs.  We can and have gone more than a month without intimacy and that is… well frustrating to say the least.  So while I don’t have any sure-fire ways to get your wife to make love I can tell you 10 things that are highly likely to fail:

  1. Talk about a sexless marriage with her.  You can read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexless_marriage.  You see the definition of a sexless marriage is little or no sex, which can mean as few as once per month over an extended period of time.   So if you have just gone a few days without intimacy sorry, you don’t qualify.  Surprisingly the fact that you have studied this topic does NOT make you more attractive to your wife so bringing up this topic has almost a zero percent chance of resulting in solving it immediately.  You most likely can expect a roll of the eyes on this one at best.
  2. Remind her of how it used to be when you were first married and couldn’t get enough of each other.  This sounds like a very romantic idea and you might possibly be able to pull that off until you bring up what you are really after (sex).  Once that comes up you should be fully prepared for her to unload about the things she didn’t used to have to do back then (laundry, cleaning, getting the kids ready, work a full day, and get mauled as soon as she gets home at nigh with more requests and needs).  Guess what?  She is totally right so you will lose this one too!
  3. Tell her it is flat-out unacceptable and that you are putting your foot down.  This is an interesting tactic, unfortunately she has seen the kids pull this one several times and is fully hardened by that so she is completely capable of resisting this tantrum.  The even better news is that this is now burned in her permanent memory and can and will be used against you in the future.
  4. Propose a shower together.  Sounds pretty darn good, right?  Well, to you it does but apparently this is about the only time in your wife’s day that she has a few minutes to herself and she is not fond of sharing this time with a big horny goofball.
  5. Complain every night before going to sleep.  Of course you should know better than this because it is essentially the nagging that you personally don’t like when she uses it on you with her honey-do list.  The even better part is that you usually are using that tiny and whiny I-wanna-have-sex-please voice.  Which no man will admit to and every man uses at these times.
  6. Suggest lingerie every time you drive by or walk by Victorias Secret or pretty much any store that even remotely resembles a lingerie store.  It seems as though your clever attempts at innuendo are in fact quite transparent and annoying in reality.
  7. Tell her you think you physically need it.  Ah, this is a great one and you can actually find some science that will back you up on this pretty easily.  Trust me you can make it convincing (to you).  But before you rush to Google this, read on…  Now the fatal flaw with this approach is that she is smarter than you and is basically going to tell you that if you “need it” you should take matters into your own hands (note HER clever use of innuendo).
  8. Get a little too close in bed every night, you will find out that spooning has its limits.  I guess this happens when it gets a little too close to you mounting her repeatedly (even if you say you are sleeping), you have crossed the line.  Down BOY!  That doesn’t work for the dog and isn’t going to work for you either.
  9. Alcohol is no longer your friend as it takes your tired wife and makes her just a little more sleepy.  Remember when a couple of drinks was actually a positive thing for you to get into your wife.? I mean… she will enjoy the drinks and all but only because it will help take the edge off of the million things that are constantly on her mind.
  10. Crying about it… I mean think about it, how is that supposed to work exactly?  Again, after even one child your wife is most likely fed up with this tactic, which has been used repeatedly by the kids to get what they want.  You also have to keep in mind that the kids (especially toddlers) are 10 times cuter than you ever have been to her.

Now, while I have tried to keep this as light as I can I want to remind you that this is a fairly common and serious problem.  In fact, with the increase in both parents working fulltime jobs it is almost understandable.  The demands on our wives are pretty much beyond our comprehension most of the time (before you start whining again… even if you are a ridiculous workaholic it is not the same).  The honest approach is just to have an occasional discussion with your wife and let her know that you care about her, you are there for her, and oh yeah sex would be greatly appreciated when she can pencil you into her busy schedule.

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2 Responses to “10 Failed Attempts To Get My Wife to Make Love”
  1. Kim Schoenfeld says:

    A very common reason that husbands seem to show more love to their wives because the woman moved her attention to her children.

  2. Husband says:

    Thanks for the words of wisdom. Now, how about a couple of advises that work?

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